Hot chicks are better fertility symbols than Easter eggs.

Children playing in your yard, Mom and Dad having stable married sex. Behind it all is fertility. The production of hormones, the deposition of sperm in a woman's vagina, and the fertilisation of ova. Fertility. That's what human obsession with sex is all about.

"I met a lady in the meads,
Full beautiful - a faery's child,
Her hair was long, her foot was light,
And her eyes were wild.""
La Belle Dame Sans Merci"~John Keats 1819

Umba, luba garoooooo

Mating cry of Kapp Tayne Kaive Mann circa 30,000 BC

I don't get the business of fertility symbols. I know why we're obsessed with sex. It can be very pleasurable. 10000 years ago when life just sucked for virtually everyone in the world, having sex must have been especially awesome. On top of it, just by having sex you could, by way of fertility get some kids, to contribute to seeking a living and to take care of you when you were old or ill.

I get the reason fertility is a big deal. What I don't get is why there is any need for any symbol. For me, the hip-to-waist ratio works excellently. Every time I see the curves; the bosoms that grip the fabric, the play of the butt, the jiggling of the delightfully jigglables, my fertility wants to be activated. That's the only symbol I need.

There are academic types who study these kinds of things. One of them attributes the prevalence of fertility symbols across cultures to so-called pagan religions. This person says that fertility is central to pagan beliefs. What bunk. Of course fertility symbols are all related to superstition. The failure to understand what these symbols are and to explain them by calling them pagan is poor academics.

Easter eggs are after all supposedly Christian but they are also fertility symbols. In many parts of the Christian world, the name for eggs is the same as the name for a man's testicles. The origin of course was in pagan traditions. Knowing this however does not tell us why virtually every culture needed to have fertility symbols.

I suppose the academic referenced above was on to something despite her simplistic explanation. Fertility is central to human thought. Sex is perhaps the basest of all our instincts, the one I would argue which most demonstrates our being just another animal specie. Sex is us. Fertility is what biologically drives our sex, or rather fertility is the pre-programmed stimulus for our having sex.

Fertility symbols are like porn. Unlike porn they do not serve just to titillate and excite and pervert. Those symbols exist to activate our attitudes to sex in a more sanitised, less raw way, but in the end it is all about sex. Easter is supposedly about the death of the saviour. Trust the Christians to make it about sex by borrowing some superstitious artifacts.

So I celebrate Easter, and the fertility symbols of it by celebrating some sexy women. These are my fertility symbols. Actually in real life I have just one that makes me have to control my fertile instincts with contraceptives. Still, fertility symbols are prevalent in all cultures and I will not be known to spit on people's cultures. You have to admit it: This is more of a fertility symbol than this.

Disclaimer: Written after a day on the beach, and a few bottles of sweet lager. Bitter lager would have increased the chances of making sense.